The Big Speech

When you take vows to become a Jesuit you vow to live a life of poverty, chastity, and obedience.  But often times what people forget when they hear the word obedience is that they still have free will.  Convincing Fr. Jim was the easy part - he tapped into my vision and the vision of this project from an early stage.  The hard part was to get the community to see this vision too.  

I often get asked if there are guys in the community who say no and don’t want to participate.  And the answer is oh yeah.  Actually around ⅓ of the community did not participate.  Although I would have liked to include every single person, each Jesuit was allowed to opt in or opt out.  Some guys could not participate due to travel or because they were moving but we did get a couple guys who did not like the idea.  And as an artist, this might be one of the hardest parts.  You think “if I could only have a conversation” or “let me explain it a little bit better.”  

Like I had gained Fr. Jim’s trust, I knew that I had to gain the trust of every single Jesuit in the community.  Which meant I needed to have 60 lunches, 60 conversations, 60 walks by the lake.  And to me, this was my greatest reward.  In EXAMEN you get a window into the soul of these men, but I was lucky enough to be in the room and have a relationship with every single one of them.  

6 months before our principal photography even began, I was spending 4-8 days a month, flying from LA to Chicago to spend time in these communities.  And on one of my very first visits I was met with a surprise.  Little did I know that later that friday evening, every Jesuit from every community was going to be gathering for mass and then dinner.  And that I was set to pitch the book to the entire community, many who I did not know at this point.  But lucky for me, once mass was over, I was the only thing stopping them from getting dinner - so I had at best 60 seconds.  

I remember the moment quite well - mass has ended and Fr. Jim gets up to dismiss everyone to go eat but instead invites me to come up and speak.  At this point, all of the butterflies in my stomach filled any hunger pains, so I wasn’t itching to go eat like everyone else.  

As I prepared and wrote my speech, printed out handouts, prepared a video I could play - I realized that the one thing that drew me into friendship with the Jesuits is the one thing I need to convey.  I need to be myself and be honest.  I don’t remember what I exactly said but it must have worked.  A moment of vulnerability for me was not only the platform the book needed to succeed but it hopefully inspired this vulnerability that a project like this demands.